|| LORD

Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But -- you called ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME.
You said,
"Our Father who art in Heaven"
Well, here I am.
What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.
Well, all right.
Go on.
Okay, Hallowed be thy name . .
Hold it right there.
What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be thy name"?
It means, it means . . good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
It means honored, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense.
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control,
of everything down here like you have up there.
We're kinda in a mess down here you know.
Yes, I know;
but, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you.
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend your money --
all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?
Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!
Excuse ME.
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done.
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it.
Like you -- for example.
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now,
but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.
Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.We 'll work together -- You and ME.
I'm proud of You.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
You need to cut out the bread.
You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.
Praying is a dangerous thing.
You just might get what you ask for.
Remember,
you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now.
Keep praying. ( . . pause . . )
Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try ME.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
What about Ann?
See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!
But -- your prayer --
What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it.
Well, at least you're honest.
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness
and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.
No, you won't feel any better.
You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Ann.
Then, I'll forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.
Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are.
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right . all right . .
I forgive her.
There now!
Wonderful!
How do you feel?
Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.
Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.
Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Good! Good! I'll do that.
Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean.
Yeah. I know.
Okay.
Go ahead. Finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.
Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory --
What would really make me happy?
No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?
YOU just did.

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line. If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained
that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years
now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons.
But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all." This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: I've
been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000
meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment.

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
6. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
7. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
8.God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
9.Plan ahead --it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
10.Read the Bible --it will scare the hell out of you.

This is a story about four people named, Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry, because it was Everybody's job.
Everbody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized Everybody wouldn't do it.
So Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

THIS IS A KEEPER
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry.
Please come in and have something to eat."

"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How

nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him.

Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a confidence in God to help you work through it.

-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.

HOW THE PROUD FROG FELL

In a certain pond lived two wild ducks and a frog. They were the best of friends. All day long they played together. When the hot summer came, the pond began to dry up. Soon there was so little water that they realized they would have to move. Now the ducks could easily fly to another pond, but what about their friend, the frog?

Finally, it was decided that the ducks would put the two ends of a stick in their bills. Then the frog could hang onto the middle of the stick with his mouth, and the ducks would fly him to another pond.

As they were flying low, a farmer in his field looked up; and when he saw the strange formation, he said, "Well, isn't that a clever idea! I wonder who thought of that?" The frog opened his big mouth and said, "I did!" Then down he fell to his death. Author unknown

Remember: Always thank God for everything and be humble. Pride can destroy your life.

In the Harold Morris video series, "Twice Pardoned," Harold tells about a car accident in which a teenage boy was killed. He and his friends had been drinking. When the police reached the home of the deceased boy and explained the details of his death, his father's immediate reaction was, "If I could find who sold those boys that alcohol, I'd kill him!" The dad was so shaken up he went to his liquor cabinet for a drink and there found a note that read, "Dear Dad, I knew you wouldn't mind if we borrowed this bottle of liquor. We'll pay you back soon."
Think about your influence on others. Author Unknown

Isn't it strange how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, But such a small amount when you go shopping?
Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?
Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?
Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel?|
Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?
Isn't it strange how we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?
Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others, but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?
Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say, but we question the words in the Bible?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?
Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Here some of my “strange” and painful discovery, which I would like to “present” to you today on Feast of Presentation of the Lord – February 2, 2004 –
Fr. Zygmunt (in my 35-th year as a Catholic religious priest). Don’t be afraid to find your “Isn’t it strange.” God Bless.

Isn’t it strange how many people receive Holy Communion, but refuse to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation for years?
Isn’t it strange how many students receive Jesus in Holy Communion during Mass at Catholic schools, but only few come to Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday?
Isn’t it strange how many parents bring their children to Catholic schools 5 days per week, but even once a week to Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday?
Isn’t it strange how many parents care to baptize their children in the Catholic Church, but fail to raise them as practicing Catholics?
Isn’t strange how many people want to get married in the Catholic Church, but after no longer come to the Catholic Church?
Isn’t it strange how many Catholics say “I am Catholic”, but not practicing?
Isn’t it strange how many say “I am Catholic”, but as “Pro-choice” I support abortion and euthanasia?
Isn’t it strange how many politicians made their promises to the people, but did not keep them after the election?
Isn’t it strange to say “Jesus is my friend”, but refuse to come to be with Him during Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday?
Isn’t it strange how many people accept Jesus, but refuse to accept Catholic Church?
Isn’t it strange how many people accept the government law, but refuse to accept God’s law?
Isn’t it strange how many young people open their ears to “weird” music, but close to God’s words?
Isn’t it strange how many Catholics accept the law of the road, but refuse to accept Jesus’ law (the law of the road to Heaven?)
Isn’t it strange how many people tell therapists all their “sins”, but refuse to tell them Jesus in the sacrament of Reconciliation?
Isn’t it strange how many Christian preachers teach the Bible, but refuse to teach about the sacraments instituted by Jesus?
Isn’t it strange how many parents teach their children many things, but basic prayers for their daily life?
Isn’t it strange how many say “I love you”, but contrary to God, the only source of love?
Isn’t it strange how many believe in unbelievable stories, but refuse to believe God’s plan of salvation?
Isn’t it strange how many promise happiness, but without God?
Isn’t it strange how many know the world we live in, but fail to make an effort to know God’s World?
Isn’t it strange how many Christians feel good in the presence of their friends, but strange in the presence of Jesus?
Isn’t it strange how many of us are strange even to ourselves?
Isn’t it strange how many Catholics have stars of sport, music, film, art, but Jesus is not there?
Isn’t it strange how many Catholics home have many things hung on the wall, but not the Cross or a Holy Painting?
Isn’t it strange how many Catholics and Christians have a library in their home, but there is no Bible?
Isn’t it strange how many Christians are proud to know a famous person, but not even mention they know Jesus?
Isn’t it strange how many students come prepared for school, but not for Mass?
Let us not be surprised that our world is so strange even to us and others!
Let us be serious and responsible of our today and tomorrow!
Let us find God’s world for self, before it would be too late!
Let help others to find God’s world, the only Real Eternal World we should want to live in!
St. Paul wrote that it would be strange for him to preach to others the salvation and not be saved.
By the grace of God I hope to get there and see you, too.
Wouldn’t it be strange and terrible to end up in another terrifying eternal world without God of love?!
IT'S IT A STRANGE WORLD WE LIVE IN, ISN'T IT?
I know this; this world on earth is only a temporary world. I can’t imagine living without God!

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting, I'm clean living".
I'm whispering, "I was lost".
Now I'm found and forgiven.

when I say.. "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
so I call upon His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

PLEASE PRAY FOR THE CAPTIVE SOULS IN PURGATORY
O most merciful Jesus, let Thy Precious Blood reach down into Purgatory and refresh and revive the Captive souls which suffer there. Stretch forth unto them Thy strong right Hand and bring them forth into the place of refreshment, light and peace. Amen

Emergency Telephone Numbers These are more effective than 911. Call when . .

You are sad,
phone........................................................John 14

You have sinned, phone.............................Psalm 51

You are facing danger, phone.....................Psalm 91

People have failed you, phone................... Psalm 27

It feels as though God is far from you, phone.............Psalm 139

Your faith needs stimulation, phone..........................Hebrews 11

You are alone and scared, phone.............................Psalm 23

You are worried, phone...........................................Matthew 8:19-34

You are hurt and critical, phone............................... Corinthians 13

You wonder about Christianity, phone ......................2 Corinthians 5:15-18

You feel like an outcast, phone............................ .....Romans 8:31-39

You are seeking peace, phone...................................Matthew 11:25-30

It feels as if the world is bigger than God, hone..........Psalm 90

You need Christ like insurance, phone.......................Romans 8:1-30

You are leaving home for a trip, phone......................Psalm 121

You are praying for yourself, phone...........................Psalm 87

You require courage for a task, phone.......................Joshua 1

Inflation's and investments are hogging your thoughts, phone......................Mark 10:17-31

You are depressive, phone..................................... Psalm 27

Your bank account is empty, phone.........................Psalm 37

You lose faith in mankind, phone..............................Corinthians 13

It looks like people are unfriendly, phone..................John 15

You are losing hope, phone..................................... Psalm 126

You feel the world is small compared to you, phone........... Psalm 19

You want to carry fruit, phone..................................John 15

Paul's secret for happiness, phone........................... Colossians 3:12-17

With big opportunity/discovery, phone.................... Isaiah 55

To get along with other people, phone..................... Romans 12

ALTERNATE NUMBERS

For dealing with fear, call........................................Psalm 3:47

For security, call.................................................... Psalm 121:3

For assurance, call................................................ Mark 8:35

For reassurance, call..............................................Psalm 145:18

All of these numbers may be phoned directly No Operator assistance is necessary

All lines to Heaven are available 24 hours a day

FEED YOUR FAITH AND DOUBT WILL STARVE TO DEATH

The Quiet Sermon

A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastors visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The Pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

WHAT IF...

What if God decided to stop leading us tomorrow

because we didn't follow Him today?

What if God couldn't take the time to bless us today

because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday?

What if we never saw another flower bloom

because we grumbled when God sent the Rain?

What if God didn't walk with us today

because we failed to recognize it as His day?

What if, God took away the Bible tomorrow

because we would not read it today?

What if, God took away His message

because we failed to listen to the messenger? <==THINK ABOUT THIS ONE.........

What if, God didn't send His only begotten Son

because He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin?

What if, the door of the church was closed

because we did not open the door of our heart?

What if, God stopped loving and caring for us

because we failed to love and care for others?

What if, God would not hear us today

because we would not listen to Him?

What if, God answered our prayers

the way we answer His call to service?

What if, God met our needs

the way we give Him our lives???

THE RESUME OF JESUS CHRIST

Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13

Website: The Bible. Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus

Hello. My name is Jesus -The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my
resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart.
Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications

* I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)
* I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)
* I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)
* I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)
* The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through
me, (See Galatians 3:14)

Occupational Background
* I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
* I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
* My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills Work Experiences
* Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to
be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free,
healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty
them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).
* I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me
shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33).
* Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse
you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background
* I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and
understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).
* In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See
Colossians 2:3).
* My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto
your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).
* I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments
* I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all
times, (See Genesis 1:26).
* I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15).
* I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them
openly, (See Colossians 2:15).
* I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
* There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here.
You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the
BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my
website.

References
* Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings,
salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance

In Summation
Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only
candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.
In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6),
and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47). When can I start?
Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).

Send this resume to everyone you know,! you never know who may have an
opening! Thanks for your help and may God bless you!

PUSH!

Push!

A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to
do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that
the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day.

For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Since the man was showing discouragement, the adversary (Satan) decided to
enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved." Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, "Why kill
yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."

That's what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a Matter of Prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord," he said, "I have laboured long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimetre. W hat is wrong? Why am I failing?

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?

"Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown; your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have.

"True, you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock."

*At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him.

By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves the mountains.**

When everything seems to go wrong .. just P.U.S.H.!

When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!

When people don't react the way you think they should .... just P.U.S.H.!

When your money is "gone" and the bills are due ...just P.U.S.H.!

When people just don't understand you .. just P.U.S.H.!

P= Pray
U= Until
S= Something
H= Happens

DEAR GOD!

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the school children at .......

Moses Lake, Washington 2/2/96
Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97
Pearl, Mississippi 10/1/97
West Paducah, Kentucky 12/1/97
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97
Jonesboro, Arkansas 3/24/98
Edinboro, Pennsylvania 4/24/98
Fayetteville, Tennessee 5/19/98
Springfield, Oregon 5/21/98
Richmond, Virginia 6/15/98
Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee, California 3/ 5/01 and
El Cajon, California 3/22/01?

Sincerely,
Concerned Student
-----------------------------------------------------
Reply:
Dear Concerned Student:

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,

God
----------------------------------------------------------
How did this get started?...
-----------------
Let's see,
I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained
She didn't want any prayer in our schools.
And we said, OK.
------------------
Then, someone said you better not

Read the Bible in school,
The Bible that says
" thou shalt not kill,
Thou shalt not steal,
And love your neighbors as yourself,"
And we said, OK...
-----------------
Dr. Benjamin Spock said
We shouldn't spank our children
When they misbehave
Because their little personalities
Would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem.

And we said,
An expert should know what he's talking

KIDS AND THE BIBLE....

These quotes come from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Bible. Their answers have not been retouched nor corrected.

►In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

►Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree, Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.

►Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

►Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

►The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

►The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

►Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geriotol.

►The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

►David was a Hebrew king skilled in playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

►Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. (concubines)

►When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

►When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

►Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

►Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”

►It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

►The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

►One of the opossums was ST. Mathew who was a taximan.

►Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

WORD OF WISDOM

Here y’all is getting some real good advice for free.

(Words of wisdom from a hillbilly philosopher)

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Who will take the Son?

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art. The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of "The Son". Who will bid for this picture?"
There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?" Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!" But still the auctioneer continued. "The Son!" The Son!" Who'll take "The Son?" Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We have $10, who will bid $20?" "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters." "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?" The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over." "What about the paintings?" "I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took "The Son" gets everything!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross.

Much like the auctioneer, His message today is:

"The Son, the Son, who'll take the Son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON,

WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...

THAT'S LOVE!!!!